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Hunter's Monument

Hunter's First Hunt

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Hunter Logan Mills

born May 8, 2003

 

This is an alter of worship and a MONUMENT of praise to God for you.  Every day I will create a monument of praise to God for you, your entire life from infant to old man.  I will praise Him daily for the blessings and gifts that He has given specially to you so that you will be equipped to do his work, and to love, and care for others as extension of His mercy and kindness.  And I will always thank him for protecting you, sustaining you, guiding you, directing you, and keeping you safe and healthy in your mind, body, and spirit. 

 

May He surround you with true love, true friends, gentleness, peace, and His presence in all of your relationships.  May He build in you a strong and secure spirit with boldness to confess testimony of His goodness and grace in your life to everyone that you meet.  And may He give you abundant provision and a long, rich, full, and happy life. 

 

For He is a good God, who loves us, cares for us, provides for us, and protects us.  I give praise to Almighty God our Heavenly Father for his lovingkindness.  I give praise and thanks to Jesus our Savior and our Christ for his sacrifice in our behalf, his forgiveness, and for making a way for us to live in freedom and victory.  And I give praise and thanks to the Holy Spirit for speaking to our hearts with wisdom and sound council, guiding and directing us all the days of our lives on how to bring glory to God.    


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He is faithful....  Love, Mom

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List of things I am thankful for and praise God for:
(this is an ongoing list as God speaks to my heart and teaches me)

Redemption! 

 

God has redeemed Hunter and I am so thankful for it. The story in the bible that I most relate to is the story of Abraham and Isaac.  I thought about this story all the way through Hunter’s chemo treatment. 

 

In a way, Isaac was Abraham’s second chance child (as his first born son was Ishmael).  God had taken time to prepare and mature Abraham and Sarah’s hearts and spirits for Isaac, similarly to how Sean and I were prepared for Hunter and looked forward to blessing him with a good life.  He was also a second chance for us to raise a child with more maturity, security, - the right way... and in the right order... from the start. 

 

Abraham loved Isaac just as we love Hunter.  Abraham also saw the value in Isaac’s life for God had promised (made a covenant with) Abraham that through his offspring he would have many decedents and blessings.  Then, after some time when Isaac was still a child, God also ordered Abraham to build an alter and sacrifice Isaac on it.  What??? Oh, how I can relate to the pain in Abraham’s heart when he was lead in this direction.  He loved his son, yet he began to prepare to sacrifice him.  He prepared for the journey to the mountain, he prepared oils, and food, and he packed the knife.  He lead his beloved son up to the alter and laid him down on it. And with all the love in his heart he raised the knife over his son’s body.  Oh, how I can also relate to the faith that Abraham was holding onto as he went through this sacrifice ritual.  I can only imagine that the words God spoke to Abraham in convenent promise rang blaringly loud in Abraham’s head as he went through these obedient motions.  How could God promise to make Abraham’s decedents numerous and blessed and then lead him to this sacrifice?  How could God promise provision and blessing on Abraham’s decedents and then kill it off? I wonder sometimes if Abraham thought that God would then, raise Isaac from the dead after he fulfilled this act of worship and obedience –after all that God (the I Am) had promised. Also, just looking into the face of Isaac was the reality of God’s faithfulness and fulfillment of the covenant promise.  Abraham trusted God’s word.  He trusted the relationship.  And just as he was about to plunge the knife into his son’s body, an angel of the Lord spoke to him and told him to stop.  God also provided an animal (goat/ram) in a nearby thicket for Abraham to sacrifice.  This ram or goat in the thicket redeemed Isaac.  It stood in the place of Isaac.  Abraham was crazy in trust with God and God was faithful to his word and upheld his covenant.

 

As Christians we are adopted into the family of God.  We are adopted children in the family of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Aaron... whom God made this covenant with and reaffirmed it with.  And God is faithful to it to this day.  The covenant is the same for us; Only, our redeemer is Jesus.  God’s only son.  He made an incredible sacrifice and laid his life down to redeem ours.  Jesus did this for Hunter.  Because of Jesus death (sacrifice on the cross) we are redeemed from our sins and we are cleansed and we will be face to face with God in heaven when we die. 

 

But, we are also blessed with more here on earth.  We are blessed with health, healing, and provision to meet our needs and we are also given abundance to bless others.  This is also part of the covenant.  We are joint heirs with Abraham, Isaac... and all of the decedents that God has faithfully upheld the covenant with from then till now. God has been good and he is worthy of our trust in him.  He will be good to us now as we trust him, and obey him.  He’s faithful to help us keep up our end of the covenant and provides forgiveness even when we are imperfect and fail.  Jesus shed his blood in that sacrifice on the cross for Forgiveness once and for all.  Through Jesus, God has made provision for us to remain in good relationship, good standing, good communication with him.  It’s our responsibility to respond, believe, and receive all of these good things from God. 

 

Now, I thought about all of these things all the way through Hunter’s chemo treatment.  As a parent I felt like I was laying my child on the alter each time he went through a surgery.  I also felt like the knife was plunging into him with the chemo.  I loved my son, yet I was preparing him to die.  Chemo kills.  It kills and then other medicines bring the patient back to life (such as stem cell transplant).  I laid my son on the alter over and over again, in love.  Killing him and loving him at the same time.  Each time, in my heart, I stared God down face to face.  And the only thing that I could hear blaring in my head was that God gave him to me in the first place and he will redeem him.  My heart would scream out “The price has already been paid for illness, sickness, disease, and death through Jesus Christ, my Lord and God.  He’s already been redeemed.  Redeem him God and please, give him back to me so that I can experience the joy of raising him and he can experience the blessing you have given to his life.”  I also engaged my eyes with Hunter’s during every terrible procedure and medicinal treatment, and stared through his eyes into his spirit, the boy that I know.  I looked deeply into the spirit life within him and I saw the crown of life that God had given him.  Hunter was thriving, living, hanging on.  I looked into his face and saw the promises and blessing of God.  Just looking through Hunter’s shell of a body (no matter how frail and weak he got) into his life spirit, reminded me of what a beautiful creator God is and that he created Hunter for a purpose. 

 

God brought Hunter back to life... He did it.  He redeemed him completely and thoroughly.  And God gave him back to us.  And not a single day goes by that I don’t remember that my hands remain open.  I open my hands to receive my son back, but I leave them open, palms up toward God, open handed, because I know that he’s not really mine after all.  We dedicated Hunter Logan Mills to care of God when he was a baby (and even in prayer before conception) and I still leave him there, in God’s care.  Hunter lives on the alter every second, every moment.  Our Heavenly Father is the lifter of his head. 

 

He surely is a faithful and good God.  And I am so Thankful for it

Here's the actual bible reference regarding Abraham and Isaac:

Genesis 22: 1-15 Abraham Tested

 1 Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!"
      "Here I am," he replied.

 2 Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

 3 Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. 4 On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. 5 He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you."

 6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, 7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?"
      "Yes, my son?" Abraham replied.
      "The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?"

 8 Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.

 9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. 10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. 11 But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!"
      "Here I am," he replied.

 12 "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."

 13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram [a] caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. 14 So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided."

 15 The angel of the LORD called to Abraham from heaven a second time 16 and said, "I swear by myself, declares the LORD, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, 17 I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, 18 and through your offspring [b] all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."

A Hope and A Future
 
I am thankful for the future that God has for Hunter.  One of the promises that our Heavenly Father has for us is a "hope and a future". 
 
You Raise Me Up
 
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

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A return to PEACE
a poem about it
 

Daddy can you fix it?

 

 

Bang, thump, Oops, it’s broken.  Oh, no, what should I do?

Mommy, I broke it and I love it so much. Tell me, what should I do?

She took my hand and showed me the place to put my pile of mess.

It was the corner of the counter where I laid it down to rest.

 

She said, “Now wait and be patient for Daddy to take a look.

Maybe, he can fix it. Now let’s go read a book.”

We read a book, took a nap, and waited until night.

When he returned, I ran to him, to tell him of my plight.

 

He said, “Now give me some time to take a look and I will let you know.

If it can be salvaged or if we must let it go.”

I said, “Ok, I trust you Dad. If anyone can fix this, it’s you, it’s you, it’s you.”

He took it in his hands and replied, “I’ll try to make it like brand new.”

 

Whistle, toote, hop, whir, he gave it back to me!

Dented, scratched, and scared, I didn’t care, I was as happy as can be.

But, there was one part he couldn’t fix, so I grieved a big wet tear.

He took me in his arms to remind me that I musn’t fear.

 

Things might be different now, but you never know.

Something new might come of it; only time will let it show.

I settled down, in peace and quiet, and began to play a new way.

I was just happy I still had my favorite thing with me every day.

 

Bang, thump, it’s broken. Oh, no what should I do?

My heart is broken, I love him so much. Tell me, what should I do?

Mom still took my hand, and gave me a place for my mess.

I cried upon her shoulder and laid my sorrow to rest.

 

But, I brought along a little addition to our family.

She sat there on the corner of the counter starring back at me.

She said, “Mommy so sad. Please, don’t cry. Grandpa will be home soon.”

He’ll give us hugs, and lots of loves, and we’ll feel as bright as the moon.”

 

We read a book, took a nap, and waited until night.

When he returned, we ran to him, to tell him of our plight.

He said, “Now give me some time to think about this and I will let you know. 

Remember dear, some things can be salvaged and some we must let go.”

 

I said, “Ok, I trust you Dad. If anyone can fix this, it’s you, it’s you, it’s you.” 

He scooped his Grand-daughter up in his hands, and said, “How do you do?”

Whistle, toote, hop, whir, now she was as happy as she could be.

It didn’t matter where we were, as long as there’s you and me.

 

Dented, scratched, and scared, it didn’t really matter.

With Grandpa’s love filling the gaps, we returned to laughter.

 

But, there was one part he couldn’t fix, so I grieved a big wet tear.

Dad still took me in his arms to remind me that I musn’t fear.

The man I loved, just didn’t love me; so, I really didn’t want him back.

You can’t replace a missing part, the heart; he’s the one in lack.  

 

So, things might be different now, but you never know.

Something new might come of it; only time will let it show.

I settled down, in peace and quiet, and began to play a new way.

I was just happy I still had my favorite thing with me every day. 

 

Bang, thump, broken.  Oh, no, what should we do?

Is he broken? Will he survive? I love him so much. Tell me, what should we do?

He fell down the stairs, call 911, his body is a mess.

I held my baby boy now, and reassured him “Mommy’s got you, just rest.” 

 

We handed him to the doctors, they said,

“Now wait and be patient while we take a look.”

My new husband turned to me and said, “Now we need to trust in the Good Book.”  

We prayed, and prayed, and ran to Him, to tell him of our plight.

We paced the halls of the hospital throughout the entire night.  

 

They said, “The fall, might have been, a blessing in disguise,    

Scans show a tiny brain tumor; it’s still a very, very small size.”

After surgeries and chemo, we had one focused prayer.

To receive the same boy back, even though he had no hair. 

 

If he can be salvaged or if we must let him go.

We placed him on the corner of the alter, feeling lower than low.

But, still I said, “Ok, I trust you Dad. If anyone can fix this, it’s you, it’s you, it’s you.”

He took him in his hands and replied to my heart, “I’ll try to make him like brand new.”

 

Whistle, toote, hop, whir, He gave him back to me!   

Dented, scratched, and scared, we didn’t care, we are as happy as can be.

But, there was one part He couldn’t fix, so I grieved a big wet tear.

That chunk of time, a living hell, heart breaking trauma, and so much fear.

 

He took me in his arms to remind me that some things must be let go.

Something new might come of it; only time will let it show.

I settled down, in peace and quiet, and began to play a new way.

I was just happy I still had my favorite thing with me every day. 

 

Bang, thump, Oops, it’s broken.  Oh, no, what should I do?

He said, “Mommy, I broke the thing that I love so much. Tell me, what should I do?”

I took his hand and showed him a place to put his pile of mess.

It was the corner of the counter where he laid it down to rest.

 

I said, “Now wait and be patient for Daddy to take a look.

Maybe, he can fix it. Now let’s go read a book.”

We read a book, took a nap, and waited until night.

When his Dad returned, he ran to him, to tell him of his plight.

 

His Dad said, “Now give me some time to take a look and I will let you know. 

If it can be salvaged or if we must let it go.”

He said, “Ok, I trust you Dad. If anyone can fix this, it’s you, it’s you, it’s you.”

Dad took it in his hands and replied, “I’ll try to make it like brand new.”

 

Dad filled the gaps, mended the breaks, and he straightened the crooked piece.

Dented, scratched, and scared, he gave no care, his joy didn’t cease. 

But, upon its return there was one part that just couldn’t be fixed.

Dad took him up in his arms and said, “Yes, boy, it certainly took a few licks.”

 

Things might be different now, but you never know.

Something new might come of it; only time will let it show.

So he settled down, in peace and quiet, and began to play a new way.

He was just happy he still had his favorite thing with him every day. 

 

Me too.